After reading about the ever-so-cool sounding Venice M’Art- bar, restaurant, and concept store, I knew I’d definitely be planning an afternoon around it. They had so many fun little menus and didn’t accept reservations for lunch so I was looking forward to the laid back good time.

You see the chic white cushy chairs on the dock of Venice M’Art from the area of tourist mayhem by the Rialto Bridge and you think, “how do I get over THERE.” If you know of M’Art and take the 15 minute walk, meandering through throngs of people and a few pushy gypsies, you’re greeted with a secret courtyard somewhat off the beaten path of the main thoroughfare. Immediately, you walk through the main part of the shop to get to the restaurant (clever). I was giddy with shopping delusions, but wanted to be sure to snag a table for lunch, so opted for wine and snacks, then shopping.

There were several big groups already at the restaurant, but the deck itself hadn’t filled up yet when I arrived. The view was epic and seated in half shade, I was quite happy.

The abundance of menus laid at awkward angles on the table was a bit distracting and had you continually rethinking your choices, but I imagine meant to be fun. I opted for chicetti rather than pizza or pasta, which in hindsight had to have been better. Chicetti came in groups of one, three, or five. I opted for three and a small salad which my body was craving.

These are fish balls, meat balls, and octopus. All were absolutely awful! The fried balls were this awful luke warm temperature and I wasn’t expecting them to be breaded… I was expecting meat and fish. Baby octopus is my own problem, but it freaks me out massively. (Those bulbous heads like tiny beluga whales). After much sawing with a butter knife, I managed to cut through a rubbery tentacle just to make sure I wasn’t missing something incredible. I wasn’t.

At some point mid-meal, a waitress dropped two croissants by my table which was also disappointing as other tables had plates of actual bread which would have been great to accompany a salad.

The green salad was artfully presented, but was just plain ole leaves in a bowl. Dress it yourself they said. Eat it with a croissant they said.

At the end of the meal, with so much uneaten food that no one seemed to care about, I was quite keen to run out of Venice M’Art. A quick browse of the shop in my slow jog back to civilization showed me the shop was selling Carhart gear and Yeti coolers, a disappointing collection to match the lunch. Great location and the idea, but the substance was just all smoke and mirrors. Go for a drink if you must and get out.