This is one of those recipes that you know must be wonderful because my photos are so.damn.bad. I’m not much for cauliflower rice – it’s clearly not the carb it masquerades to be and it makes my stomach hurt? No thanks. I’ll just eat a salad.

After reviewing my favorite Brewery Bhavana’s menu for their amazing crab fried (actual) rice, I thought hell, let’s try to fake it for the keto lovers on our quarantine. I am happy to report that it was DELICIOUS. I’ll stop giving cauli-rice the side eye with this one and keep this gem in rotation.

Funk Food: Crab Fried “Rice”

• 4 T. olive oil
• 1/2 white onion, chopped
• 4 cloves garlic, minced
• One 16oz. package of cauliflower rice
• 4 scallions, chopped, whites and greens separated
• 2 T. fish sauce
• Pinch of Kosher salt
• Pinch of black pepper
• 3 eggs, cracked and whisked
• 6 oz. fresh, lump crab meat
• Anything extra- bacon, pork belly, any veggies
• Chili oil for serving

1. Heat 3 T. of olive oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat.
2. Add onion and saute about five minutes, until translucent.
3. Add garlic and whites of the scallions- saute another minute or two until fragrant.
4. Add cauliflower rice. Then add fish sauce, chili oil, salt, and pepper.
5. Spread rice in an even layer (push onions aside if needed) and allow to cook undisturbed for 2-3 minutes so it crisps and browns.
6. Push rice to side and make a clear opening in middle of rice. Add remaining tablespoon of olive oil.
7. Pour eggs into middle of rice. Season with salt and pepper.
8. Cook undisturbed, until egg whites start to set. Then, break up the egg mixture and incorporate into rice.
9. Add the crab meat and cook another 2-3 minutes.
10. Add in vegetables, greens of scallions, and anything else you are incorporating into stir fry. Heat until warm.