Funk Food: Cauli Fried Rice

It’s been a minute since we’ve had a true Funk Food weekend around here. Lucky for you, I’m finally feeling funky again. This week I was all “down with carbs and up with kale.” And this stir fry. It’s so good that it’s easy to binge eat, just like your favorite takeout! Instead of your favorite takeout, you’re binge eating cruciferous veggies. Ya’ know, a bunch of things from the cabbage family. Classy and gassy. So, that said, maybe slow your intake for date night, or at least chew your gum well.

Step one, put on Migos’ Stirfry and prep your veggies. Practice whisking technique according to song instructions.

Funk Food:  Cauli Fried Rice

  • One head of cauliflower
  • 2 T. seasame oil, divided
  • Drizzle of olive oil
  • 1-2 broccoli crowns
  • 1-2 c. diced pineapple
  • One package of turkey kielbasa, diced
  • One onion, diced
  • 4 cloves of garlic, minced
  • 3 eggs
  • Scallions, for garnish
  • Chopped peanuts, for garnish
  1. Preheat oven to 375F.
  2. Chop broccoli into bite sized pieces. Drizzle with olive oil and sprinkle with sea salt.
  3. Place broccoli on pan and roast for 20 minutes, stirring halfway through.
  4. While broccoli is roasting. Rice your cauliflower….
  5. In a food processor with the shredding attachment, place chunks of cauliflower through food processor to create “rice.” Set aside until ready to use.
  6. Over high heat, in large stir fry pan, heat 1 T. sesame oil.
  7. Add onion to oil and stir fry until softened. Add garlic and saute 1-2 minutes until fragrant.
  8. Add kielbasa, cauliflower rice, pineapple, and any other veg using. Saute about 5 minutes, until tender.
  9. Add into the mix the already roasted broccoli.
  10. In a small bowl, whisk eggs and 1 T. sesame oil.
  11. Push cauliflower mixture to sides of pan, creating an open space in the center. Pour egg mixture into the hole and allow them to cook, scrambling as they do.
  12. Mix everything together.
  13. Top with scallions and/or chopped peanuts.

Take out done funky. Now light a candle, your kitchen already smells like cabbage.

One Comment Add yours

  1. gregandbirds says:

    +1 for Chew Your Gum Well reference. Well done.



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